women of faith – Always, Kaye

I was reflecting on the book of Hosea when it dawned on me that you are among the select women in the bible whose story was told in more detail than a few verses. Perhaps not the most commonly known or the most sought after character to emulate like Hannah or Ruth, but your story lives and it’s an important story to hear.

Was it hard to accept that you could be loved so deeply and unconditionally by someone? Was it hard to see yourself as lovable? Was it hard to trust and believe that someone can embrace your past despite all its thorns and choose you, out of all people?

Was it hard to let yourself be loved?

Living a life of prostitution was probably not your desired first choice. The piercing glances that you may have come across along the streets of the northern kingdom of Israel further etched markers of promiscuity, sin, and judgment in your mind and heart. Did you ever conceive that an alternate life was possible? Or did it seem like a fruitless endeavour to hope for such a thing? To not only be loved but relentlessly pursued by a prophet called by God over and over again. Hosea pursued you over and over again.

Did it seem too good to be true? Did you wonder how it could be real? I imagine the experience could have felt jarring. To have already accepted all your life that poverty and survival was all life was, and yet unexpectedly there’s more. To see yourself, a woman ostracized in society, all of a sudden receive status and privilege without having to work for it or be born in the right family or look a certain way. Will Hosea wake up one day and realize that you’re not the woman he should be married to, let alone pursue? But I don’t think God made a mistake selecting your story to be told. Choosing you was a choice that God equally relentlessly made. No matter how many times you went back to sin, forgiveness welcomed you with open arms and a warm embrace.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:13-14

God chose to see the woman, not the sins. The beauty that He created carefully for you to eventually accept within.

Always,

P.S.

You are not too much.

You are not too little.

You are not too broken.

You are not too unlovable.

You are not too weird.

You are not too sensitive.

You are not too loud.

You are not too shy.

You are not too strong.

You did not make too many mistakes.

You are accepted.

You are wanted.

You are loved.

Anger is an emotion I’ve had to work on over the years. It’s the emotion that rumbles and bubbles when something unfortunate happens or when I have felt provoked in some way. At first, I thought that feeling anger was terrible and tried to suppress it as much as I could. Eventually that didn’t work because anger can sometimes grow into resentment or arrogance when left unmanaged. Anger prevents empathy from shining the light to a different perspective. If you ask me, I’d rather deal with anger than resentment or arrogance. Better yet, I’d rather repent for self-righteousness and pray for discernment!

Reading about your story amazed me. Not just because of the faithfulness you’ve shown to God’s promise and goodness. I marvelled in the grace and wisdom you expressed when it would have been understandably easy to get angry.

And her rival used to provoke her grievously to irritate her, because the Lord had closed her womb.
1 Samuel 1:6

Out of the two chapters that told your story, that was the line that stood out the most. A big part of me felt infuriated with Penninah for you. How dare she dig at you like that? Yet there was no follow up verse that talked of your retaliation. Instead, you went to God and prayed in sorrow and poured out your heart’s greatest desires openly without seeking some form of retribution from Penninah’s taunting. And even then, Eli accused you of being drunk! You saw past the jealousy, the sadness Penninah carried.

Nonetheless over time, you’ve shown patience and trust in God that He will deliver you from the disappointment you had been feeling for many years. Unlike your predecessor Sarah, you didn’t take matters into your own hands. You didn’t let time be a factor of the perseverance of your faith. You didn’t let frustration cloud your judgement, rather you’ve repeatedly shown humility. All while God continued to work behind the scenes to make space for miracles. Little did you know that He set you apart to be Samuel’s mother and abundantly gave you more children down the road. Gifts that exceeded your request, and quite possibly your expectations.

As I continue to grow into becoming a woman of faith, your story is one I intend to remember. Perhaps, one day myself, you and Ruth can go out for a lunch date? Something tells me we’ll have a great conversation!

Always,

P.S. “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14