Re: Bridge to freedom

woman standing under a bridge

When the city was just beginning to reopen again, a friend and I decided to go on a hike along one of the city’s urban trails. Lush aging trees and sprouting grass awakening from the spring season’s arrival enveloped the trail, while the ravine gently flows along the path. It was a trail underneath one of the busiest roads connecting the downtown core to suburbia. But the thing that I remember most are the ruins that were once part of an unknown structure. Pieces of concrete blocks scattered against the running water and around the beaten trail. Directly above it was a bridge. Though I couldn’t articulate it at first, it reminded me of a physical representation of how I experience healing. 

I started going to therapy about 4 years ago. I felt overwhelmed with a lot of transitions happening in different parts of my life. It was something that I felt I needed and something that continues to be a normal part of how I spend an hour of my life. During different seasons, sessions were more frequent than others and that was okay too. Therapy isn’t just what’s been depicted in pop culture. The practitioner may not even ask you, “And how do you feel about that?” Nonetheless, I’ve grown to see therapy similar to how you would use a shovel. When circumstances happen and you’re left with broken pieces, it’s the perfect time to create. The time to take out the shovel, dig deeper and lay down a more solid foundation. And you know what? Using broken concrete blocks is not a bad way to start because God has the power to pulverize the blocks into cement powder before transforming it with His living water into something far stronger than what it could ever be. Who we could ever be.  

Reading the book of Jeremiah can be disheartening between the prophecies of Babylonian conquest and the repeated stubbornness of the Israelites to follow their own judgment of what they saw was right. Idolatry, adultery, famine, slavery, imprisonment, and bloodshed continued for years. Even so, Jeremiah’s prophecies included God’s promise of restoration beyond all of the destruction. Truthfully, I kept asking why He continues to give us grace? We have been, and are stubborn hard-hearted people.  

Because despite our brokenness, imperfections, mistakes, and poor judgment, God sees us worthy of His love. 

We may not feel worthy right now, and some days I lose sight of it myself. But as children created from His image, we can find our worthiness in Him. We can always count on Him to accept us with open arms because He gave us a bridge to walk on through Jesus Christ. Although, that’s not a reason to run across the bridge back and forth, between His will and what we [society] think is right. As Christians, our path may not be linear or smooth. In fact, in more ways than one, we may live lives that are against the mainstream. And that’s okay because when we try our best to walk in step with the Spirit, the journey home will still be joyful and filled with gratitude.

13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. 14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbour as yourself.”

16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5: 13, 14, 16-18, 22, 23 (NIV)

Always, 

K

P.S.

‘Frank! Frank!’ she cried in a voice that made the whole wood ring. ‘Look at me. Look at me. What are you doing with that great ugly doll? Let go of the chain. Send it away… ‘ Merriment danced in her eyes. She was sharing a joke with the Dwarf, right over the head of the Tragedian. Something not at all unlike a smile struggled to appear on the Dwarf’s face. For he was looking at her now. Her laughter was past his first defences. He was struggling hard to keep it out, but already with imperfect success…

The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis, pg. 126-127

Re: The toughest choices we make

I find trying to understand how and why we make decisions interesting. Having had the opportunity to work with clients in different industries, I’ve had to study the ways in which consumers make choices between car A versus car B or toothpaste A versus toothpaste B. We make choices every day from the mundane to the most significant. But often, the toughest choices we make are not about what to buy or where to get something. Often the toughest choices we make challenge our expectations, world views, intentions and motivations. Some of the toughest choices we are faced are:

  1. Choosing to trust when trust has been broken.
  2. Choosing to have and act on hope when circumstances seem bleak.
  3. Choosing to show compassion when reason can’t answer why. 
  4. Choosing to be faithful when life is abundant.
  5. Choosing to forgive when the pain is deep and difficult to forget. 
  6. Choosing to love when it’s easier to cast blame. 
  7. Choosing to pray when doubts continue to echo. 
  8. Choosing gratitude when life seems to fall short of expectations.
  9. Choosing to stay committed when possibilities and options are available. 
  10. Choosing to be kind when anger feels more natural. 
  11. Choosing to tell the whole truth when lying might seem to cause less pain or conflict. 
  12. Choosing to be courageous when fear and insecurities feel concrete. 

As free agents in this world, we have been given the gift of choice and with that comes great responsibilities. We do not know exactly how the future will turn out or how our choices can create a ripple effect, only God knows. So why do we often make decisions when faced with tough choices without consulting Him? Why do we lean on our limited understanding instead of seeking guidance to the one who created the universe, past, present and future? Why do we make judgements based on what we think is right instead of inviting His judgement to preside?

We don’t want to lose control. 

The book of Judges, like many books in the Old Testament, tells stories of God’s chosen people repeatedly turning away from Him, His statutes and commandments. And repeatedly we can read the disastrous outcomes people fall into because they chose to do what was right in their own eyes. Nonetheless, Heavenly Father’s gracious and compassionate character repeatedly saves them upon repentance, and gives them multiple chances to change their ways. He continues to do this with all of us today! I don’t know anything else more humbling than that.

As broken people, living in a broken world it is inevitable for us to make poor choices that not only impact our lives and those we love. We are accountable for those choices. We make mistakes. It’s the most human quality that we have. However, there’s beauty in brokenness when we set aside our will for His. There’s beauty in brokenness when we choose to put our hope in Him. There’s beauty in brokenness when we invite Him to lead us into becoming the victorious people He made us to be.   

Always, 

K

P.S. Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. You will be faithful to Jacob, and show love to Abraham, as you pledged on oath to our ancestors in days long ago. Micah 7:18-20 (NIV)

Dear Hannah

Anger is an emotion I’ve had to work on over the years. It’s the emotion that rumbles and bubbles when something unfortunate happens or when I have felt provoked in some way. At first, I thought that feeling anger was terrible and tried to suppress it as much as I could. Eventually that didn’t work because anger can sometimes grow into resentment or arrogance when left unmanaged. Anger prevents empathy from shining the light to a different perspective. If you ask me, I’d rather deal with anger than resentment or arrogance. Better yet, I’d rather repent for self-righteousness and pray for discernment!

Reading about your story amazed me. Not just because of the faithfulness you’ve shown to God’s promise and goodness. I marvelled in the grace and wisdom you expressed when it would have been understandably easy to get angry. 

And her rival used to provoke her grievously to irritate her, because the Lord had closed her womb.

1 Samuel 1:6

Out of the two chapters that told your story, that was the line that stood out the most. A big part of me felt infuriated with Penninah for you. How dare she dig at you like that? Yet there was no follow up verse that talked of your retaliation. Instead, you went to God and prayed in sorrow and poured out your heart’s greatest desires openly without seeking some form of retribution from Penninah’s taunting. And even then, Eli accused you of being drunk! You saw past the jealousy, the sadness Penninah carried.

Nonetheless over time, you’ve shown patience and trust in God that He will deliver you from the disappointment you had been feeling for many years. Unlike your predecessor Sarah, you didn’t take matters into your own hands. You didn’t let time be a factor of the perseverance of your faith. You didn’t let frustration cloud your judgement, rather you’ve repeatedly shown humility. All while God continued to work behind the scenes to make space for miracles. Little did you know that He set you apart to be Samuel’s mother and abundantly gave you more children down the road. Gifts that exceeded your request, and quite possibly your expectations. 

As I continue to grow into becoming a woman of faith, your story is one I intend to remember. Perhaps, one day myself, you and Ruth can go out for a lunch date? Something tells me we’ll have a great conversation! 

Always,

K

P.S. “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14