Re: Why I stopped blogging for a year

It’s been well over a year since I published a full-length blog and I don’t feel guilty at all.

There were a few times when I’ve forced myself to sit down for an hour or two to write a blog post from the list of topics I’ve listed a long time ago or random topics I’ve thought of during my long commute from work. These times were the most excruciating writing sessions I’ve put myself through – for no damn reason! To make matters worse, I had a slew of excuses for why I couldn’t finish a blog post or why I had to stop writing. Eventually, I started to feel anxious about my skills as a writer. What if I just couldn’t write anymore? What if I lost my creative spark? What if my writing is not good enough?

I was psyching myself out of doing something I loved to do.

In retrospect, there were a few personal things I needed to reconcile with first over the past year or so. Blogging suddenly became such a laborious thing that I “had to do” on my free time after work. It just didn’t feel like something I enjoyed doing anymore. At first, I felt really bad. It felt like I was failing myself. So I took some time off to understand why I felt that way and figure out what I should do next to not feel like that anymore. Granted there are still a lot of things I need to work on, but I’m in a much better place now.

So, why am I blogging again?

Because I want to. Because I’m genuinely hungry to start writing again. I wholeheartedly want to continue sharing pieces of my life; lessons I’ve learned and my travel adventures to places I never thought I wanted to visit. I’m blogging again because it’s an expression of my authentic self – blogging has helped shape who I am and how I communicate. Though I won’t have a regular publishing schedule like I used to, I’m making an effort to continue writing and ultimately to continue expressing myself.

For those who have been there with me on my winding journey or those who are just stopping by for a quick read, thank you.

Always,

K

Dear London, U.K.

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You were not my first choice. In fact, you were not on my list of places to visit-ever! Frankly, I’ve heard many wonderful tales about you and your beauty but it has never enticed me to make the trip across the pond. So, it was as much of a surprise for me when I felt the sudden urge to visit you without reason. Looking back, I think I had to. I had to make up my own mind about you, based on my own experiences and not everybody else.

The fog blanketing the city streets brought a manageable melancholy that made the littlest joke funnier and my heart lighter. Amidst one of the busiest cities in the world, I walked in peace. Isn’t that ironic?

Surrounded by art, culture, and history, it was no surprise to bump into fellow visiting tourists in every corner. Wide-eyed and amazed by your vast beauty, this might seem all too romantic for you, because underneath lies, well, the Underground. Each station is a modern complement and convenience to and from ornate palaces, preserved houses and iconic landmarks. Perhaps, this great balance between history and modernity is what sprouted our love affair?

Or perhaps, it was walking along the cobble stone alley diverting from Marylebone Lane and finding a gem that served a delicious French Onion Soup. You thought I was going to say Fish and Chips, didn’t you?

Unexpectedly, I fell in love with you piece by piece. A gradual kind of love that left me wanting more as I board my flight home…

London, my unexpected love, I have to cut this letter short but rest assured that you’ve given me something I didn’t think I needed.

There’s no need for me to say that I’ll be back.

I will, in time.

Always,

K

P.S. Thank you for reminding me that, “It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” –William Shakespeare

Dear 2016

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Starting out strong and positive, I never would have thought that it would end like this. Well, to be fair I don’t recall having expectations, just goals that I hoped to accomplish. In literally a year, my life has changed. I changed. For many reasons it would be very easy for me to say that you have only brought me sadness and pain. Yes, I’ve had to endure my grandmother’s passing, a difficult breakup and multiple job rejections, just to name a few. But I refuse to see you as a crappy year. There’s always two sides of a coin. So although, I’ve had to endure a lot of unfortunate circumstances, you, 2016, have been one of my most rewarding years.

You have taught me so much about the value of patience and perseverance. Often time, life has a very different timeline than we do. So, even though I was working really hard and going to interviews yet had no luck finding a full time role for a few months, I ended up landing an opportunity at the exact time I needed to land it. When we’re in the thick of it all, it can be so easy to lose patience, especially when we want it so badly. Granted, shouldn’t wanting something so bad also be the reason why we should keep holding on? It was a good enough reason for me.

You, 2016, also brought out someone I’ve been missing. Someone I tucked away deep inside of me. You’ve helped me see how important it is to be unapologetically me. Regardless of what other people may say. Regardless of what other people may think. Regardless of the insecurities, fears and anxieties that I may have. At the end of the day, this is who I am, no one else.

You’ve taught me about love, real love, and what that actually looks like, feels like, smells like, to me. It takes, well, real work to get real love. There are no shortcuts or cheat sheets you can use to get through the ugly fights and misunderstandings. You have to get through them together even when it’s difficult to let go of your pride and fears. There’s no such thing as being ‘ready’ for it either. Real love is rare because nowadays, we buy into the dream of falling in love more than seeing the reality of what it takes to stay in love. It’s worth every effort. Always.

Most of all, you, 2016, have taught me to take care of myself. I’m not talking about how to be independent. I mean actually take care of me and my needs, because they matter just as much everyone else’s.

So, 2017, you have big shoes to fill. I guess we’ll just have to take it one step at a time

Always,

K

P.S. There’s no need for New Year’s resolutions. Make your time count now. It’s the only time we have.

Re: Heyo!

img_9018It has been well over a month since I last posted a blog post. A lot of changes and transitions, professionally and personally, have happened over a short amount of time that I needed to take some space to distance myself from blogging for a while. Frankly, every week I would plan on writing a blog post on a topic that I’ve chosen weeks or even months ahead but it has been very difficult to sit down and actually write the post. Part of the reason is because there are a lot of thoughts running around in my head, some of which are incomplete and utterly confusing. This evening I decided to sit down and write this post because in retrospect, I created this blog because I wanted to take you all along in my journey. And it’s not a straight path, far from it.

Granted, I still don’t feel like I’m in the same headspace that I was in 6 months ago, but I thought it was important for me to write about forgiveness. Over the weekend, I wondered how could God be so forgiving of our mistakes over and over again? Why is it so hard for us to forgive others at the same degree?

Being human makes us susceptible to failures, imperfections and innumerable mistakes. It is and can be very difficult to forgive those who have wronged us repeatedly and ourselves. Pain, anger, embarrassment, pride and insecurities often take over so much so that we forget that we are all similarly human. We crave the same degree of infinite forgiveness that others seek of us, yet we often decline to show the same kindness. loveThe only answer I can come up with that addresses my question adequately is love. Love at its purest form is patient, kind, humble, and of course forgiving. An elusive verb and feeling.

I guess the trick is to not take love for granted, but strengthen it.

Always,

K

P.S. Always choose forgiveness, even when it’s difficult. Harbouring bad feelings just isn’t worth it. Besides, you can’t change people… you can only love them.