Re: Fear has an antidote

From Unsplash - Photo by Christopher Sardegna
From Unsplash – Photo by Christopher Sardegna

The past couple of days I’ve had some time to think about fear. What do we fear? Why do we have fears? Why is fear necessary? For many reasons fear hasn’t been associated with anything short of negative. It has the ability to consume us, manipulate us, and that in itself is fearful. What if I told to you that I found an antidote for our fears, an endless supply of it too? Is there still something to be fearful about? Well, there’s an antidote and I’m going to share with you exactly what that is and how you can get it.

I have a lot of fears. I know we’re not “supposed” to talk about it [our own fears] online, but I’ve never been very conventional so just indulge me for a bit. To an extent I’m afraid of those gut-wrenching relationships. You know, the kind that makes you a little crazy because you just want to be the one that makes them happy; the one they turn to; their best friend; lover and prank co-conspirator. I’m afraid of not being enough professionally and personally. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to actualize my goals. I’m afraid of losing myself. There’s a few more but these are the ones that are pretty high up on my list. So I asked myself, why am I afraid of ­­­______ (fill in whichever fear)? What about it scares me? I continued this internal inquisition over and over again to dig deeper and deeper. Turns out a lot of my fears have nothing to do with the actual circumstance or thing that I’ve associated it with.

It all comes back to me.

That’s the thing about fears. Fueled by self-doubt it can turn into a daunting ugly monster, relentlessly chasing us until we succumb to its demands. At the beginning of this post, I talked about an antidote that I think will help us fight our fears. As cheesy as it may sound, love is our greatest antidote. Learning to love us despite of our flaws and dark pasts. Learning to love ourselves enough to see that our fears mean nothing compared to the joy and wisdom we will gain when we actually muster up the courage to try. Learning to love the experiences we endured, because hey, we’re still here right?

Be patient with yourself. Learning to love is as much of a process as building a house. It takes time and sometimes rain or snow can slow down the process, but keep building anyway.

Granted there are some fears that are very hard to over come. For whatever reason we continue to keep thinking about them, keep holding on to them. Having a lot on my mind recently, I came across an article that described an exercise about combating lingering fears. I know, you might be thinking that this is gimmicky or that it doesn’t work, and perhaps it may not work for you because it’s just not how you communicate with yourself (Yes, you should definitely check on yourself and how you’re doing, it’s not weird at all!) Anyway, the exercise starts by writing down your fears, just keep writing as much as you can think of even if you have go back and forth. Once you’re satisfied with the list you made, rewrite your fears. For example: “I am afraid of getting hurt = I love myself. Even if I end up getting hurt, I have enough love and respect for myself and no one or any circumstance can take that away from me.” Do that for ALL of your fears. The article suggests setting it aside and reading it again if those thoughts come back. I’m considering burning the piece of paper, or wrapping it on a string tied to a helium balloon. Take your pick. The key here is that you’re letting go of your fears and expowering yourself.

Continuing with my soul searching, I’ve also realized that having fears is a necessity. It helps us realize what we value. Think about it, why would we be scared if we didn’t care about whatever it is that we’re actually afraid of? Question is will you let your fears run amuck in your head?

Think about it.

Always,

K

P.S. Feel free to share your thoughts with us. I’m happy to hear what you guys think! 🙂

Re: A still mountain no more.

The days leading up to my recent birthday I found myself reminiscing about my high school self. To be quite frank she was much more confident and risk-oriented. She also had a stronger sense of conviction about who she was, what she wants to do and where she’s going. So I wondered, where did SHE go? How did I find myself less confident, more uncertain about my personal identity and what the future may hold? They said that we become wiser with age, but do we really?

I can think of a number of reasons as to why or how I’ve changed over the years but they don’t really matter. At the end of the day, I can see and feel the changes that impacted me like a tidal wave crashing the side of a mountain cliff. Salty waters trying to drip back down into the ocean through my crevices. Gradually they become a part of me. It stings a little.

Then again there’s nothing like water to wear down a mountain and open up a secret to you. You want to know what these waters revealed to me? I can’t tell you. Not because it’s a secret. Not because I’m embarrassed by it. Not even because it’s just too juicy to let it out in the open. I can’t tell you because I’m still riding the wave.

Will you hold my hand and ride beside me?

Always,

K

P.S. See the best part about writing reflections like this is that I don’t know how it will end. It may not sound completely cohesive but for some reason I felt compelled to write some parts of it as a metaphor. We go through changes and sometimes it’s hard to explain how we’ve changed and why. Now, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t miss my high school self and have felt regret that I may be disappointing her. But then it dawned on me that she didn’t know the difference between the questions: what do you want to be and who do you want to become? Right now, my goal is to remember the kind of strength that I once held and garner it. Sometimes we’re a little low on courage, better stock up whenever we can!

P.P.S. If you get the movie reference I would be very impressed! 🙂

To my self doubts

pexels-photo
From pexels.com

Shove it! It’s hard enough being young and constantly feeling the need to prove yourself to your peers, bosses and the occasional already doubting parent/s. How do you expect me to compete with the ‘rising stars’ of my generation? Actually, let’s take a step back and ask, why do you compare me with other people? My strengths, weaknesses, experiences, aspirations and characteristics (aka all of ME) are not the same.

These voices permeating into my deepest thoughts make use of how time can feel so slow and how difficult it can be to determine if progress is actually being made. Tell me, do you enjoy this? Do you get a kick out of making me feel small? Or is it more fun when I start to buy into what you’re saying? Encouraging me to join you in continuous judgement about who I am, what I’m doing or even trying push me to just give up and take an easier route.

But you know what, I bet it’s been frustrating to you that I refuse to give up that easily. Well, guess what? Even if you try harder and find different ways to bring me down you won’t. You know why? Because the harder to you try, the harder I will work to get where I want to go and gradually become the person I aspire to be. I will learn each and every day how I can silence your negativities.

Yes. These are fighting words because I am fighter. I always will be.

 

Always,

K

P.S. This letter was difficult to write to say the least. I’ve been having a rough few days and I wanted to write this letter for myself and for anyone else who may be feeling a little defeated at times. Hang in there and don’t ever lose faith, especially in yourself.

Re: What does being a ‘woman’ mean to you? #BeingAWoman

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Share YOUR responses on Instagram with the hashtag #BeingAWoman

For International Women’s Day I wanted to dedicate an entire week of empowering posts about being a woman, but what does it actually mean to be a ‘woman’? Curious about how others may answer this question I teamed up with a few bloggers. We are also collaborating on some blog posts that we’ll be sharing throughout the week, so stay tuned!

Now when I initially asked myself the question above three words came to mind-strong, beautiful and diverse. Growing up, I was quite lucky to have a mother who is incredibly strong-willed and ambitious. She told us many stories about her life and the sacrifices that she endured in order to get higher education and a career. Independence and courage to accomplish the goals that she set out for herself was always at the forefront. These were the initial qualities I associated with being a ‘woman’.

Though these qualities are a great foundation, I never really felt like it completed the picture. Beauty and appreciating my physical attributes was something I really had to work on (still working on it). Meanwhile, having fun with clothes and developing my personal style gradually became important to me as I grew older. Then more recently, experimenting with makeup. That being said, being beautiful to me isn’t just about the kinds of clothes and shoes I wear or makeup looks that can help enhance my features, being beautiful as woman to me is about staying true to myself and embracing physical or non-physical flaws I may have. Being beautiful as a woman to me comes from inside and out.

And of course, because we come from different cultures, have different attributes and have gone through different experiences. Being a woman is as diverse as all of the women around the world. Our diversity contributes to who we are today and who we will become later on. Granted, society has provided a definition of a ‘woman’ referring to certain physical ideals, femininity, and roles women “should play.” It’s hard to ignore this reality but it doesn’t mean we can’t do anything about addressing it. This is what #BeingAWoman inspiration project is all about. I encourage you to take a photo with the hashtag #BeingAWoman and share with us YOUR answer.

Maybe it’s about time WE define what it means to be a woman, don’t you think?

 

Always,

K

P.S. I will be compiling a photo journal with the responses using the #BeingAWoman throughout the week, then share it with everyone at the end of the end of the week! 🙂 Also, I will be sharing my collaborators posts on my Facebook page feel free to head over there to take a look! 🙂 Thank you all for your support! ❤