Category: Inspiration

Re: Like a force to be reckoned with

On By Kaye Ann C.In InspirationLeave a comment

I stumbled upon a musician on Spotify while looking for a podcast about the different Enneagram types. Ryan O’Neal under the name Sleeping At Last produced an album celebrating all nine types of the Enneagram, telling stories of redemption through beautifully crafted music. 

If you haven’t heard of the Enneagram, the Enneagram is a model of understanding our diverse human personality types and psyche. Not necessarily a means for categorizing people in our lives or beyond, but a way for us to have more empathy and compassion with each other as we experience the world together. There are nine types numbered between one to nine, and three intelligent centres (body, mind and heart). By all means, I am no expert so please do take the time to research more about it. That said, after taking the test and reading more about the Enneagram I find myself identifying with the type two or type two wing three if you want to get specific. 

Listening to Ryan’s podcast about the songs he created for the nine enneagram types undeniably pulled on my heartstrings – hard. The intentionality with every instrument, every lyric, melody, tempo and so on. It inspired me more than enough to write this blogpost and share his podcast episodes amongst my friends. Most of all, his songs made me feel seen in a big way during a time of trying to combat my own fears and anxieties. The ebbs and flows of how I’ve reflected on my identity as a human being is evolving over the years. I am so grateful for incredible artists like Ryan who are able to convey stories of our humanity with all its parts. Our victories, brokenness, transitions and redemption. 

Admittedly I’m still reflecting on the lyrics Ryan used for the three songs I’ve connected with the most – Two, Three and Eight. The lyrics for the song Two hits home and so that’s how I’ll be signing off for this post. Below is a link to Ryan’s video of the song Two and right below that are the lyrics written out.

*All rights reserved to Sleeping At Last

Two

Sweetheart, you look a little tired
When did you last eat?
Come in and make yourself right at home
Stay as long as you need
Tell me, is something wrong?
If something’s wrong, you can count on me
You know I’ll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat

It’s okay if you can’t find the words
Let me take your coat
And this weight off of your shoulders

Like a force to be reckoned with
A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss
I will love you with every single thing I have
Like a tidal wave, I’ll make a mess
Or calm waters, if that serves you best
I will love you without any strings attached

It’s okay if you can’t catch your breath
You can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest

I know exactly how the rule goes
Put my mask on first
No, I don’t want to talk about myself
Tell me where it hurts
I just want to build you up, build you up
‘Til you’re good as new
And maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too

I don’t even know where to start
Already tired of trying to recall when it all fell apart
I just want to love you, to love you, to love you well
I just want to learn how, somehow, to be loved myself

Like a force to be reckoned with
A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss
I will love you without any strings attached
And what a privilege it is to love
A great honor to hold you up

Like a force to be reckoned with
A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss
I will love you with every single thing I have
Like a tidal wave, I’ll make a mess
Or calm waters if that serves you best
I will love you without any strings attached
I will love you without a single string attached

Always, 

K

P.S. Water has many amazing properties and complex characteristics. It has the strength to tear down buildings, wear down organic and inorganic materials yet it’s equally a fuel for things to come alive and for animals to have a home. Assertive, playful, calming, transformative and sweet.

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Re: Growth charts

On By Kaye Ann C.In faith, InspirationLeave a comment

Months ago I wrote about how plants are like people and the impact our environments have in our growth. Now, I would be remiss if I didn’t follow up with the diversity in the ways in which plants grow, the varying ways we grow.

I’ve been joyfully growing different plants since that post in October. More recently experimenting growing red bell pepper seeds and an avocado seed from food scraps. Sustainability is something that I value, but we’ll dig into that later (yes, pun intended!) After a few weeks of nurturing my bell pepper seeds, I started to notice how fast certain seedlings were growing, while others held a much slower pace. And so, even if they came from the same bell pepper their growth charts were not equivalent, the ways they developed roots were not equivalent and the direction that they were growing were not equivalent. My avocado seed actually took more than 100 days to start a stem, and the root is much thicker in comparison to the roots found on a bell pepper seedling. I watered all of these plants the same way everyday, yet their outcomes are not totally the same. Why? I’m not going to pretend to know why because I don’t. Although, not knowing does not limit how much I can and want to take care of these plants. The uncertainty of their growth charts don’t dictate the love I want to shower them with and the joy I receive seeing them flourish at their own pace and at their own time. So why is it so hard for us to translate the same level of compassion with fellow human beings? One word: expectations. 

As only Christ can speak to me in such a way that I may be saved, so others, too, can be saved only by Christ himself. This means that I must release the other person from every attempt of mine to regulate, coerce, and dominate him with my love. The other person needs to retain his independence of me; to be loved for what he is… 

Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, pg. 35-36

Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s Life Together shares a powerful message about what it means to live in community as Christians during a time of hatred and great division, a hopeful byproduct of experiencing Nazi Germany. Who would have thought there was such a thing? Nonetheless, I was humbly reminded by Bonhoeffer’s book while tending to my seedlings and feeling the frustrations of navigating through difficult relationship dynamics. To put it simply, I was reminded to meet people as they are as God meets me as I am, wherever they may be in their life journey. And yes, I recognize that this is easier said than done. But if I can’t make room to see humanity being reflected in front of me, how could I carry the same level of compassion I’m willing to pour over my plants? How could I connect with people meaningfully? How could I love people truly? We learn and grow in so many ways, because we are beautifully diverse in nature. 

Always,

K

P.S. Be brave, curious and kind. 

From the one who got away

On By Kaye Ann C.In InspirationLeave a comment

You’ll see me live a joyful life without you. See me smile and hear me laugh. 

You’ll see the radiant woman that I’ve become at the most unexpected time. 

You’ll wonder why things didn’t work out. 

Was it really about you or was it because of me? 

Maybe it’s both? 

You’ll wish you could have treated me better yet continue with the same patterns. 

You’ll wish you could talk to me the way you used to. The way I understood you – accepted all of you.

You’ll wish you made different choices because you didn’t think that I’ll actually leave. 

What you didn’t realize is that committing to you was always a choice,

Not a necessity. 

Looking back now, would you rather have regrets or loss?

Would you rather have a home or a house? 

Would you rather fight than hear silence? 

Would you rather feel afraid or empty? 

Would you rather tell the ugly truth or transfixed in a beautiful lie?

Most of all, would you rather love than pretend? 

At the end of the day, you’ll see me as the one who got away. And sure, there might be moments when I would wonder what could have been… before it becomes a faded memory. Remembered, but not part of the reality. 

Always, 

K

P.S. “You can love someone and still choose to say goodbye to them. You can miss a person everyday and still be glad that they’re no longer in your life…

I think we do love a real disservice when we make it about control and power and changing people. That’s not what it is. You love people, you give them that for free. And you decide if that’s something that you want to have in your life. The alternative is to say, ‘Well, I’m going to change them and then I’ll have them in my life’. And that’s not love. That’s not what love is and that’s not what it does, and that’s not the power it has.” 

– Tara Westover

P.P.S. Because of some circumstances and choices, you may read this from the lens of “the one who got away” or “the one someone got away from”. Now, it doesn’t really matter which camp you’re in. What matters is you are continuing to live. God has a funny way of sorting things out. As my 23-year old self once said, “Forgive always, love and laugh endlessly and be bold with your endeavours.”

Re: There’s a time for that

On By Kaye Ann C.In faith, InspirationLeave a comment

I was walking along High Park over the holiday break. The pond along the west side of the park had frozen over, some parts more solid than others. Caution signs plastered at the edges for visitors and children to mind the freezing water and unstable icy surface. Somehow ducks still found their way across the centre of the pond, swimming and splashing in the water while looking for whatever food they can find. Because there’s still life beneath the ice even if we may not see it. 

With a controversial political upheaval and continued uncertainty of when the world will open up again, it feels like we’ve been in this period of desolate winter for so long. And 2021 just started. During my chilly afternoon walk at the park, all I could think about was Ecclesiastes 3. 

A time for everything

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to tear and a time mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

Friends, there is still hope, we can still have peace and we can still find joy. Sometimes the fear of uncertainty overshadows the freedom of living in the present. And sometimes running away from the past dilutes the truth and beauty of its story. This might sound super romantic or to some overly optimistic, but it is undeniable…

What’s meant to be will find its way. 

The ducks find their way no matter what season. Made resilient, so will we. 

Always, 

K

P.S. In my humble opinion, strength is not the assertion of force, toughness, will power, the loudest voice in the room or even the ability to fight. Strength is confident security.