The past couple of days I’ve had some time to think about fear. What do we fear? Why do we have fears? Why is fear necessary? For many reasons fear hasn’t been associated with anything short of negative. It has the ability to consume us, manipulate us, and that in itself is fearful. What if I told to you that I found an antidote for our fears, an endless supply of it too? Is there still something to fear about? Well, there’s an antidote and I’m going to share with you exactly what that is and how you can get it.
I have a lot of fears. I know we’re not “supposed” to talk about it [our own fears] online, but I’ve never been very conventional so just indulge me for a bit. To an extent I’m afraid of those gut-wrenching relationships. You know, the kind that makes you a little crazy because you just want to be the one that makes them happy; the one they turn to; their best friend; lover and prank co-conspirator. I’m afraid of not being enough professionally and personally. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to actualize my goals. I’m afraid of losing myself. There’s a few more but these are the ones that are pretty high up on my list. So I asked myself, why am I afraid of ______ (fill in whichever fear)? What about it scares me? I continued this internal inquisition over and over again to dig deeper and deeper. Turns out a lot of my fears have nothing to do with the actual circumstance or thing that I’ve associated it with.
It all comes back to me.
That’s the thing about fears. Fueled by self-doubt it can turn into a daunting ugly monster, relentlessly chasing us until we succumb to its demands. At the beginning of this post, I talked about an antidote that I think will help us fight our fears. As cheesy as it may sound, love is our greatest antidote. Learning to love us despite of our flaws and dark pasts. Learning to love ourselves enough to see that our fears mean nothing compared to the joy and wisdom we will gain when we actually muster up the courage to try. Learning to love the experiences we endured, because hey, we’re still here right?
Be patient with yourself. Learning to love is as much of a process as building a house. It takes time and sometimes rain or snow can slow down the process, but keep building anyway.
Granted there are some fears that are very hard to over come. For whatever reason we continue to keep thinking about them, keep holding on to them. Having a lot on my mind recently, I came across an article that described an exercise about combating lingering fears. I know, you might be thinking that this is gimmicky or that it doesn’t work, and perhaps it may not work for you because it’s just not how you communicate with yourself (Yes, you should definitely check on yourself and how you’re doing, it’s not weird at all!) Anyway, the exercise starts by writing down your fears, just keep writing as much as you can think of even if you have go back and forth. Once you’re satisfied with the list you made, rewrite your fears. For example: “I am afraid of getting hurt = I love myself. Even if I end up getting hurt, I have enough love and respect for myself and no one or any circumstance can take that away from me.” Do that for ALL of your fears. The article suggests setting it aside and reading it again if those thoughts come back. I’m considering burning the piece of paper, or wrapping it on a string tied to a helium balloon. Take your pick. The key here is that you’re letting go of your fears and expowering yourself.
Continuing with my soul searching, I’ve also realized that having fears is a necessity. It helps us realize what we value. Think about it, why would we be scared if we didn’t care about whatever it is that we’re actually afraid of? Question is will you let your fears run amuck in your head?
Think about it.
P.S. Feel free to share your thoughts with us. I’m happy to hear what you guys think! 🙂